I was born way back in 1956, Jerome Irwin Gardner, in the tiny town of Walterboro, South Carolina, population about 5,000. In those days, most people I knew never ventured very far from home. But I was a small boy with some very big ideas.
By the age of fifteen, I already had a fairly clear picture of what I wanted from life. I wanted to become a dentist. I wanted to own a Corvette. I wanted to be an artist. And somewhere, somehow, I knew there was another part of my life waiting for me.
Growing up in the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s, I understood that my life was going to be a little different. I had this idea that somewhere in this enormous world there was a person who would be my “twin,” someone I was meant to find. And in my imagination, there was always water nearby.
At first, I tried to find Mrs. Right, until I understood that what I was actually looking for was Mr. Right. Unfortunately, before finding Mr. Right, I managed to spend thirteen years with Mr. Wrong. By 1996, that chapter was ending. Then my best friend came to me with an idea: “Let’s go to Mykonos, Greece.”
The 1996 Summer Olympics were coming to Atlanta, and because of the disruption surrounding the Games, we needed to close our offices for twenty-one days. For me, this was almost unheard of. I had always been a nine-to-five workhorse. And suddenly, I had twenty-one days.
Just before that trip came another milestone: my 40th birthday. My best friend gave me a birthday dinner surrounded by wonderful friends. That evening, I told them that as I walked through the gates into my forties, I was leaving Mr. Wrong and another few things behind me. And then I made a rather grand declaration: “I’m going to Greece to meet my Adonis.” I had absolutely no idea just how prophetic those words were about to become…
While I was growing up in a small town in South Carolina, thousands of miles away another small boy with some pretty big ideas was growing up in Greece. His name was Adonis Dukakis Ampatzis. Neither of us knew the other existed. We were growing up in different countries, speaking different languages, surrounded by different cultures and following completely different paths. And yet, somehow, those paths were eventually going to meet.
By the summer of 1996, there we were. Two men from opposite sides of the world. Two small boys who had grown up with big ideas. Both had spent enough time with Mr. Wrong, and both were still looking for Mr. Right. Adonis was already in Mykonos, and a newly forty-year-old American dentist was getting on a plane for Greece.
As we approached the island, I saw one of the most magnificent sunsets of my life. There was something almost celestial about it; the sea, the light, the mythology of Greece and its ancient gods. I had this overwhelming feeling that something was about to happen to me.
The next morning, I boarded a boat for Super Paradise Beach. At approximately 12:30, I stepped onto one of the most famous gay beaches in the world. There were beautiful men everywhere. Speedos everywhere. And quite a few Europeans apparently saw absolutely no reason to wear anything at all.
OMG! I had arrived in Paradise! And I had come with a mission! Which one of these men was going to be my Adonis? There were certainly some interesting candidates. But nobody took my breath away. Until I looked toward the stairs.
At the top stood a man with the brilliant Greek sun directly behind him, almost forming a halo around his head. He was golden; golden skin, the tiniest gold-colored bathing suit I had ever seen, and beside him was a beautiful Welsh Springer Spaniel. For a moment, it looked as though one of the Greek gods had actually descended to Earth. My breath stopped.
He sat only two or three meters away. From behind my Glacier glasses, I watched him and realized he was beginning to notice me. My internal Geiger counter went off. Battle stations: This could be THE ONE!
Eventually, I removed my glasses so he could see my eyes and gave him my most irresistible Zoolander look! Then I walked onto the trail above the beach. I decided I would give him fifteen minutes to follow me.
Fifteen minutes passed… Nothing! Apparently, my Zoolander look needed work. I headed back toward the beach, and there he was with his dog at the bistro. There would have to be a Plan B: I was actually going to have to speak to him!
I gathered every ounce of courage I possessed, walked up to him and smiled. Then, for reasons I still cannot explain, a man who had spent his professional life speaking to people suddenly lost the ability to form a sentence.
I stuttered: “Do—you—speak—Eng-lish?”
He calmly replied: “Yes. I speak English, Greek, German and some Arabic.”
Wonderful! I could barely speak one language, and apparently he spoke four. I managed: “My—name—is—Jer-ry.”
And then he said: “My name is Adonis.”
Everything stopped.
For weeks, I had been telling my friends that I was going to Greece to find “my Adonis.” I had traveled halfway around the world, arrived in Mykonos less than twenty-four hours earlier, and now this golden Greek stranger was telling me that his actual name was Adonis.
So I responded with all the sophistication the moment deserved: “I—like—your—dog.”
Adonis apparently decided that I was either extremely nervous or having some sort of mental breakdown. Very calmly, he said: “I’m getting ready to have lunch. Would you like to join me?”
My response was: “Uh-huh.”
Suddenly, I was sitting at a table with MY ADONIS. Thankfully, somewhere during lunch I regained the ability to communicate. Adonis asked what had brought me to Mykonos. I told him that I was celebrating my 40th birthday, beginning a new chapter and ending a thirteen-year relationship with Mr. Wrong. Adonis told me that he had recently experienced something similar; with one important distinction: In his relationship, he said, he had been Mr. Wrong.
And suddenly we could talk. What began as lunch between two strangers became an extraordinary three-hour conversation. Eventually, I confessed why I had really come to Greece. I told him that before leaving America I had announced to my friends: “I’m going to Greece to find my Adonis.”
And now I was sitting across the table from a man whose name actually was Adonis. At the end of lunch, he asked me out for that evening. Of course, I said yes!
What began that day at Super Paradise became a long-distance romance that crossed countries, oceans, cultures and years and eventually became the marriage and the life we are celebrating thirty years later.
Perhaps that extraordinary sunset when I arrived in Mykonos had been trying to tell me something after all. Maybe there really is a Heaven on Earth.
But before you believe everything I’ve just told you… You should probably hear Adonis’ version.
Welcome, everyone.
Καλώς ήρθατε όλοι!
Adonis and I are truly honored to have all of you here with us for this very special celebration.
Each one of you has played a special role in our lives and in the journey that has brought us to this evening.
Thirty years ago, Adonis and I found each other.
Ten years ago, we were officially married.
Seventy years ago, I was born to someday meet my Adonis…
…and sixty-four years ago, Adonis was brought into this world to someday meet his Big American.
As everyone knows, the theme of our celebration is PEACE AND LOVE.
So the greatest gift you can give us tonight is very simple: enjoy yourselves. Celebrate with us. And, at least for this evening, leave the troubles of the world outside.
We asked everyone to wear yellow or white because tonight we want these colors to represent something greater than ourselves—that regardless of where we come from, what language we speak, or what our differences may be, we can come together in peace and love.
And perhaps, together, we can send some beautiful energy out into the universe.
Over these thirty years, Adonis and I have shared two cultures, two countries, two families, and friends from around the world. Along the way, we have learned that when you open your heart to another person, another culture, and another way of seeing the world, life can bring you extraordinary beauty.
And when we look out at all of you tonight, we see a mosaic of our thirty years together.
Every one of you represents a memory, a friendship, a piece of our lives.
If our thirty years together have been a song, then each of you has been a musical note.
And tonight, all of those notes are together in one room.
This is our song.
For that, Adonis and I thank you from our hearts.
We also want to give a very special thank-you to Diane for creating our amazing website, and to Photes and everyone here at Malvazia for helping us create this beautiful evening, To our singer Sylvia and Spyros and a big thank to my friend Yiannis. Thank you so much
Thank you for being here and for being part of our story.
Now, most of you have already read my side of the story—how I came to Mykonos looking for my Adonis…and somehow actually found him.
But every love story has two sides.
So after thirty years of hearing my version, I think it is finally time we hear Adonis’s side of the story.
And I have absolutely no idea what he is going to say!
So, with that, I happily hand the microphone over to my Adonis.
Adonis…the story is yours.
My dear friends,
Today we are celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, but above all 30 years together! Yes, 30!
Now, if someone told me 30 years ago that this relationship would last this long, I probably would have thought they were crazy!
But as you know, life has a sense of humor.
Why are we still together?
To be with the same person for 30 years takes love, A LOT of patience, a strong stomach, a good memory… and sometimes selective memory!
After 30 years, I want to say a very big THANK YOU to Jerry—not because he loves me, but because he hasn’t killed me yet!
Because the real secret of a long-lasting relationship isn’t sex, it isn’t money, and it isn’t romantic dinners.
It is learning when you should keep your mouth shut!
And I have to admit, as all of you who know me already know, I have not yet become very good at that!
Jerry, after 30 years together, I have learned a lot.
I learned that “Do whatever you want” does NOT mean “do whatever you want.”
I also learned that “I’m not angry” usually means exactly the opposite!
And I learned that in a relationship it doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong.
What matters is that when you are wrong, you apologize…
…and when you are right, you SHUT THE FUCK UP!
But beyond the jokes…
Thirty years is a long journey.
When we started, we were different people—younger, more handsome, two carefree men… and now we have two knees, two shoulders, and various other spare parts between us!
We lived through times when things for two men who loved each other were not easy.
And yet, here we are together.
We traveled, we changed, we laughed, we cried.
We fought, we made up, we got tired, we started again.
And somehow, through everything, we stayed together for 30 years.
And if you ask me what I learned after all these years, it is something very simple:
Love is not finding the perfect person.
It is finding the person whose imperfections you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
And Jerry, apparently, you found someone with A LOT of imperfections!
But you stayed. And so did I.
Thirty years later, I still choose you.
Not because every day has been perfect.
Not because we have always agreed.
But because through everything—the laughter, the arguments, the adventures, the difficult moments, and all the craziness—you have been my person.
And tonight, surrounded by the people we love, I realize how lucky we have been.
So Jerry, Happy 30 years to us. I love you. And since we have already survived 30 years together… What the hell—let’s go for another 30!
And one last thing…
Thank you, everyone, for being here tonight and celebrating not only our birthdays and anniversaries, but something much more important: LOVE.
We have lived long enough to remember when the love between two men was something society expected us to hide.
Tonight, we don’t hide it. We celebrate it.
And that is why tonight is about PEACE AND LOVE.
Because after 30 years, Jerry and I have learned that life is far too short for hatred, anger, and division.
So tonight, wear your yellow and white, laugh, dance, drink, love one another…
…and if Jerry and I start arguing— just remember: after 30 years, that is also LOVE!